could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
