Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
