Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
