You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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