I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize