I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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