weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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