you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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