Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Green mimosas i think yes
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
