what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
