I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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