And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
