i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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