dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
