i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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