i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
