my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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