whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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