I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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