Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
