Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize