im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
