lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
