i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
