I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
