i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize