Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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