She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
