i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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