Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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