Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize