Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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