ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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