Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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