apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
