U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
