So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
