Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
