Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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