What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
