dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
