Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
