I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
even my farts smell like vagina
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My liver just had a heart attack.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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