you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
