Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
