how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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