just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
