"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
not ubering you a puppy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
