youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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