thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
