Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
