remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
