He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
