guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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