There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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