I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
