just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
