R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Two words: blizzard sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
