dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
