Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
