I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize