Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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