i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
