The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
