SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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