The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she pinky promised me she was 18
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
