So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
