Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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