Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
