you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
