brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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