we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
