time to smoke my breakfast
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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