just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We are all done wearing pants today
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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