This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
either way he was missing a nipple.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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