Soap is not a condiment
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
