you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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