Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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