I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
