bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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