Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
