Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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