Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
