His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This baby is an asshole
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
