you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize