they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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