i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
