Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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