Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
