Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
