I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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