I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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